There's a "Celebration of Life" at Children's Hospital next Wednesday, and we still haven't decided whether we want to go. They have these ceremonies bimonthly to remember and honor children that have passed away since the last event. Apparently, there are between 22 and 35 children honored at each service.
While we certainly want to remember Andrew in every way possible, I don't know that this would be the right forum for it. I somehow doubt that putting the families of 22 dead children in a room together could in any way be interpreted as a celebration, and I don't know if the remembrance would be in the positive, thankful manner that we would like. The hospital's goal is to help parents begin the grieving process, and they provide chaplains, social workers, and 'child life specialists' to do just that. I don't know what a child life specialist is, but I really feel like we're grieving in the healthiest possible manner. We miss him, we appreciate the time we had with him, we remember him, and we move forward with the most positive outlook we can muster. There is obviously still a lot of good in our lives, including the time we spent with Andrew, and it's happier when we focus on those things rather than on our loss.
Perhaps I'm being hasty and judgmental, and maybe this ceremony would be really beneficial. But maybe not, and I don't want to realize that when I'm standing in front of a crowd of 150 people reading a poem about loss.
I know that many people grieve in different ways, and that it might be odd to some of our friends and family that we haven't had a funeral or service yet. While I welcome any opportunity for our families to gather and would love an open house where we did nothing but talk about how cute Andrew was, I don't want people to travel long distances or go out of their way for such an informal event. I'd rather just visit people individually as we have the opportunity, now that we can travel again.
What do you think? Is anyone put off by the lack of ceremony? Appalled that we haven't had a church service? Miss us so much your head is going to explode? Feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments, even anonymously....I won't be offended.
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It seems that you both have given us all the opportunity to grieve for little Andrew through this venue of open communication - that whatever you and Danielle want to do - is good.
ReplyDeleteWhatever you decide, we will be there for you...
They say the memorial is often the catharsis for healing, and you have already given us the most beautiful rememberance of Andrew, through your sharing and writing of his life with you.
Love to you both...
Sue McG
Fallacy in your thinking: Andrew is so cute that any event organized around discussing the extent of his cuteness would have to be formal, black-tie even. He is tuxedo cute. String-quartet cute. Pate cute. Ice sculpture cute. Valet parking cute. Red carpet cute.
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I do miss you guys so much that my head could explode. Fortunately I have a large head and blow my nose frequently to release the pressure or you'd have a gruesome wrongful death suit on your hands.
Sue makes a good point--this blog has been an amazing way to celebrate, remember, and grieve Andrew. Yes, it's all "modern technology", but it's also very intimate and special. You know that we, your faithful readers, will support whatever feels right for you guys.
ReplyDeleteNot that I'm suggesting a course of action, but it might help to think of the ceremony as a way for you to help the *other* families who are there. You could even tell them exactly what you wrote here; it might be just what some of them need to hear.
ReplyDeleteAgain, just a thought.